Your memories are still so fresh in my mind. I wish you were still here but I am sure you are spreading a lot of joy where ever you are.
Happy birthday Suri! Reading this blog always leaves a smile on my face with teary eyes. Hope you are smiling too. We miss you!

"Wish you Happy Diwali !!"

It's  been last so many days I am missing you so much. It's been more than 4 Years now. And it is not possible to come out of it. We all try to be happy and share happiness together many times, but the hollowness is always been there, which is permanent. The only thing which is making everyone moving is SAAVI. She is also over 4 now and she is too talkative. She is a story creator, an actor and what not. Life has got busy just around her.. Though she never met you, but she keeps talking about you chachu. On everyone's behalf, I want to wish you a very "Happy Diwali". And please be with us always. We all miss you very much....

The day after 2 years

Toughest years since he left us. Today was the day 2 years back when the fate took my happiness. Today after a very long time I remembered him so very much. The day I spent with my mom. She was upset but didn’t spoke about her feeling… It was very much visible. I couldn’t dare to prickle. The dam might have broken. But I know it must have been much difficult for her to divert her anyways. All these years she got weaker and the same about my papa. But this is how life does to such mishaps. Even now for them it is very difficult to accept the truth that he is gone.

A glimpse of his memory always creates a whole cloud of hollowness, nothing seems to be complete, and something everywhere is missing. The moments which I could remember with him now seems so wonderful. He is my sweetheart. He always respected me of being younger to me; he always respected everyone he has been associated with. Nothing was as perfect as I saw him today.

Today I spent the whole day with my mom. We went to temple and then to Blind school to give them dinner. My father and wife sent to Old age home and to a Kodi Ashram at Nangal. I believe we did all these only to stay diverted from the thought that he is gone. But when it got over he came in front of me. Reminded of his absence and truth is what we can never change. Missing him very much and want to feel a life with him along. He can never be forgot, and will stay in our memories forever.

Take care bhai !!

Suri!! Its been 2 years since you have left! Feels like a much longer time..
You were a great friend and you are missed for that :(.. I hope God is giving enough strength to your family to go through this.
RIP. 

Happy Birthday!

Wish you a very happy birthday Suri.. Wherever you are!!

You are missed.. a lot..

15th August

This was on 5th August 2009. He could get his rakhi in 2009, but could not in 2010, which was on 24th August 2010. 

Things happened last year on 15th August made such an impact on my family that his absence was deeply felt this rakhi..

Yesterday though one year is gone since he left me. But every time I see his face it seems he will come back. And I can't tell anyone how alone I feel that time when I realize it is practically not possible.

Yesterday was a tough day for papa and mummy. I don't know how they have managed to stay calm. Till now I was thinking about myself and how much I missed him this whole year. But now every time I miss by brother I think about papa and mummy. How difficult it is for them to stand and even imagine that day.. People celebrated Independence Day yesterday with Kites and all. It was a dark day yesterday for all of us. I could not stayed at home yesterday.. I really miss you bhai and want to remember you always and also wants you to be remembered in the eyes of Saavi. She now knew you are her chacha and whenever we ask where is chacha she points towards your snap. Just want you to keep an eye on her and wish her to have a heart like yours. You are an idol to me and I will ensure your kindness in her.... Missing you always. Take care of yourself.

Bhai Papa misses you very much !!

Bhai, today after such a long time I want to write to you.

Life just went so fast since I changed my job. I want to tell you today that Papa have started missing you more now. You know he never expressed himself even when he was suffering so much from his health. He just got operated and with the grace of god and you he is feeling fine now and taking rest.. You are surprised naa ... yes he is taking rest :)

His eyes got so dark and red.. It always seemed he was in some tension. I just thought this today what was making him so tensed and then I realized he is missing your presence and the comfort you used to give him always. You are his chap .. though I am trying but still you are his prince charming.

Saavi ka mundan bhi ho gaya hai.. Ganji cute lagti hai..

One more thing we all finally celebrated Saavi's first birthday. It was really good and could have been excellent with you. I must have made you the Joker that day, with the Joker dress and makeup.. But that day I didn't felt your presence.. I am sorry bhai but I think I didn't even tried to feel that day... Time made us move around it... It was really hard for all of us to decide whether to celebrate it or not... It's good for Saavi: she was looking gorgeous.

Hey !! Ankur and saras are getting married this year in November. And nidhi next year !! All three are going to start a new life altogether... All couples looks great together rather perfect.

Bhai aa jaa jaldi bada kaam hai. 

Missing you so much. Take care and try to reply ..

happy birthday dear anup

dear anup brother. happy bday to you. You should come back in one form or the other to this world and become a part of us again. happy bday to you again dear....

Happy Birthday my dear Anup

I was driving to home from office n as usual Everyday whenever i cross by this place i pray to god that i do not have to come to this place ever to bade a last gud bye to anyone. This is the place we all saw u the one last time n u vanished like a breeze of ash n v all cud do nothing. Its ur bday today n i thought to stop for a while n wish ur soul a happy n contended life. Today i admit n regret that i cud ve done much more for u than i did. But i can only regret now. God bless. Saying that i miss u seems so meagre coz the hollow feeling created by ur absence is much more. God is so cruel.

"Happy Birthday To You Anup"

14^th March 1985, when he was born.

Every year we celebrated this day with cakes and candles. Today the cake and candles are not here. All we have is his memories and the wonderful time we have spent together.

So many events have passed with years. His mundan, his engineering, his first job but his birthday was always the best day amongst all, as it came once all these years. He was the one who always believe in celebrations, he was the one who taught us how to make these events so special with these small celebrations at 12 in night. What to celebrate today but whom to wish and with whom to celebrate. Today no one is around, when this moment was so special for all of us.

13^th March is our mummy’s birthday. I even could not wish her Happy Birthday. These 2 days were always so special for all of us.

But I want to wish today Anup a very very happy birthday and all the blessings which I could not give to you all these years. May god let me hug you once today. Missing you so much bhai. Lot to talk about and lot to celebrate. Time and years will not heal this hollow feeling..

It’s 12’ o clock now and I want to sing this for you !!

“Happy Birthday to You - Happy Birthday to You - Happy Birthday to Dear Anup - Happy Birthday to You -  May God Bless you – May God Bless you – Happy Birthday – Happy Birthday - Happy Birthday to Dear Anup”

गज़ल --gazal

गज़ल
उसकी अर्थी को उठा कर रो दिये थे
रस्म दुनिया की निभा कर रो दिये थे

नाज़ से पाला जिसे माँ बाप ने था
 आग पर उसको लिटा कर रो दियेथे

थी उम्र शहनाइयाँ बजती मगर अब
मौत का मातम मना कर रो दिये थे

दी सलामी आखिरी नम आँखों से जब
दिल के ट्कडे को विदा कर रो दियेथे

यूँ सभी अरमान दिल मे रह गये थे
राख सपनो की उठा कर रो दिये थे

थी बडी चाहत कभी घर आयेगा वो
लाश जब आयी सजा कर रो दिये थे

था चिरागे दिल मगर मजबूर थे सब
अस्थियाँ गंगा बहा कर रो दिये थे

वो सहारा ले गया जब छीन हम से
सिर दिवारों से सटा कर रो दिये थे

रोक लें आँसू मगर रुकते नही अब
दर्द का दरिया बहा कर रो दिये थे

माँ ग ली उसने रिहाई क्यों  खुदा से
कुछ गिले शिकवे सुना कर रो दिये थे

Message from Saavi..

'Chaachu' is what I will call you when I grow little more. We all would have enjoyed a lot with you chaachu. Chaachu: who will bring chocolates for me, you know papa will not bring it for me. Who will teach me how to walk, how to run and who will take me to the park. You know no one takes me out of home. Everyone is so busy. I am getting bored these days. Chaachu you know it's time for me to enjoy...

I also must tell you that my gum are also getting stronger day by day. Very soon I will get my teeth. 

I am missing you a lot chaachu and this word 'chaachu' is missing at home.

Chaachu everyone at home loves me a lot. And papa also loves me a lot, woh hamesha paari karte rehte hain :))

I don't know where are you chaachu but papa thinks you are gone very very far. He miss you a lot. Papa always wanted that you can also enjoy the moment when I smile and the moment when I cry. Together we all would have been soo happy !! Chaachu give me lot of strength so as I take care of everyone in the family. I love you a lot and miss you always.

And I know next month is your birthday... Wish you can come for sometime and we all can celebrate your Birthday..

Your cutie pie,

Saavi

Post by Abhijeet

Thursday, December 30, 2010

http://theanupsuri-abhijeet.blogspot.com/2010/12/what-we-have-shared-and-what-we-could.html

What we have shared and what we could not...

I met anup on the very first day at RKGIT(Our engg. college)..he was shy and he had this innocent rigid attitude...at first i thought he must be very arrogant as he was not socializing with others..1st day gone past...at night we were ragged by seniors..i was made to sing and dance whereas he was asked ugly questions...he tried his best..but seniors will be seniors...days went by and we got our hair cut done and bhought shoe with red lashes...we were looking indeed stupid...

After around 15days we were shifted to Hostel...Anup stayed with Manjul, Rahul...since Manjul was my good friend he allowed me to share a room with him..so then we were 4 in 2 seater room..that time i didnt have much interaction with anup and found him very arrogant and we had lot of fights also over lot of unlogical things which happens at that age only...but over the time i reliazed that actually he was not arrogant he was just out of words at times but deep inside he has a big heart...u have to come closer to understand this part of his nature....once we both understood each other..then the positive energy flowing...I still remember the competition in which we won 3rd prize...we 2 were lagging behind as compared to other teams but finally we came out winning...i wish i had a camera that time to capture that moment...and then those long drives u me saxena all night around noida, ghaziabad and then morning we start wd cricket and then chole batorey..Khane Khas Chicken...those small small strategic discussion while playing TT to beat the opponent in doubles...and to my surprise it worked many a times...

We played room cricket...and many nights we had long disscussions about life, frindship..woh light band kar k dance(u, me, prabhakar)....really miss all those...

Till 2nd year we had lot of fun and 3rd year starting i suffered from zandaus it was life threating according to doctors, before my family could come in for my rescue, anup took care of me as none other than my mother itself...I still remember at night when i used to wake up he get up immedialty..and he ensured that all things i get on my bed that too for all 24hrs......I really thank anup for making me reliazed that i am special for him..before that i never had such experience.

Today this year 2010, i look at it with disspointment..we had planned so many things............we have just started to share more of our serious and responsible side....I miss you buddy........i wish we could have shared more.

Rest in Peace..

Remembering u my Dear Anup

There are so many thoughts running in my mind ... cant really find a title for this post.. As the days are passing by ur absence is being felt more... Life is so busy but u r always there in the subconcious mind.... while driving.. playing with Saavi... eating something that u always liked to... or sitting idle for that matter...
Sometimes i feel that if its so difficult for me to accept watever has happened how difficult cud it be for the parents ..
Lalit i cant say that i can take Anup's place in ur life but i assure u i will try not to let u feel his "absence". I will be with u in ur tough times & strengthen u like Anup wud have done... please dont ever belittle urself by saying that u cant keep ur parents happy.... u r a gud son n u r doing ur very best to keep them happy... JUST BELIEVE IN URSELF... n always remember..... Anup wud not like to c this kind of feeling in u...

Life with you : And now Without....

Hi brother,

I believe you are reading this. With the days passing, I am getting alone. With you in our life, you were a rock star in the family. I can bet, who so ever knows you, can never say anything wrong about you. I was the bad element, and always look for your shoulder. 

I just felt that scary moment when I saw you at the airport lying in a box. I wished I could be in that, and not you. I am getting weaker day by day bhai. I still can not satisfy mummy and papa. She is taking me just because she doesn't have any other option. Trust me bhai, I am trying, but she is missing you a lot......

Give me strength bhai so as I can utilize my time properly like you, so as I take care of mummy and papa like you, so as I stay calm and patient like you, so as I be a person like you....

Now life is all about filling up the blanks......You left so many blanks which I am tying to fill. But when I fill one the other is left blank.

Keep in touch bhai !!

तुझे ढूँढते रहे

( कविता )

तुझे ढूँढाते रहे
तेरे साथ दिवाली थी घर आँगन क्या
मेरे दिल के दिये भी जलते रहे
तेरे बाद दिवाली पे किसी कोने में
इक छोटी सी किरण को तरसते रहे

तू मेरे घर का चिराग था
तेरे दम से था ये घर रोशन्
तेरे बाद जरा सी खुशी के लिये
दूसरों का मुँह तकते रहे

तेरे देश मे दिवाली पे
यूँ दिये जलते नहीं क्या
हम उठा के मुँह सारी रात
आसमाँ मे तेरा घर ढूँढते रहे

ऎ खुदा इक माँ पे तो रहम खाया करो
उसके चिराग को दिवाली पे तो जलाया करो
इसी इन्तज़ार मे अंधेरी ज़िन्दगी के
सहकते से पहर कटते रहें
अनूप और शशी तुम बहुत याद आते हो। घर की दीवरें तुम्हारी राह देख रही हैं। अब कौन इस पर दीये जलायेगा? फिर भी यही दुआ है कि तुम्हारी आत्मा को शान्ति मिले। हम जी रहे हैं जी लेंगे बस।

It's 2 Months He is Gone !!

Not a second, not a hour and even not a day. Its 2 months he left us all alone. These days we are missing him very badly. He was too good to everyone that his eyes say everything. Even today I cannot believe that my charming brother Anup is not with me now. Life is becoming so busy these days, but whenever he comes in my thoughts, I started feeling so much alone without him. Every time I want him to come in my dreams and just 2 days back he came. In the dream also he was not talking anything. But he was looking too cute even in my dream; I was all alone when I woke up. He was the precious asset I lost.

I am feeling that after he left, we all are looking for small small happiness, and even that is rare to be found. We are trying to accept this reality but this reality is too scary to be accepted. I am missing him more when I am sad, as he always cheered me with his wicket tension free doses. I am missing those doses as I always needed them the most. I love you my brother. Take care of yourself wherever you are. I know I can never meet you again.... Don't worry about me!!

"My First Hello wit My Brother"

Me and Anup....My life's very first precious close friend...

"My First Hello with My Brother"....but dnt know that U had't gave me a chance to say Good By.

From day one without knowing it, I loved you with all my heart.

As I grew older I looked up to you and to no other.

Yes, We fought many of times but you supported,

and encouraged me in everything I did.

You were my Best Friend and My Hero.

At nights I miss u like so much as i know you are not here.

I miss your comfort and the way you made me feel safe.

I miss our nonsense arguments and all our wrestling matches just to pass time.

I like to remember our times togehther good times and the bad.

I regret the times I yelled at you when you were only trying to help,

but you know I only did it bcz you did it to me.

I wanted to do everything you did,

bcz I wanted to JUST like You!!!

I miss ypur Big Smile,

and I miss the way we love to have non-veg...as U alwz searches new places for me..

But most of all I miss your reassuring hugs...:-(...:-(

"I wish I could go back and tell you how i felt,

tell you that I really need U."

I really loved to wear your all time ventilated shorts no matter what i said...

like I did when I was little.

But there is one more truth that there is a certain aloneness that can never filled...:'(

I miss U Bhai,...I miss your Smile....

I cant put my heart in these lines, I only want You to know how much I love u...

My Brother is the Cutest !!

It’s just day’s back, I somehow saw this snap of Anup. He is looking so beautiful and cute. He love to have food and that’s what a biscuit he is carrying that time also. My memories are not at all sharp, this is what I have realized these days, when I tried to remember our old time memories but could not retrieve them all.  But one thing is true, that he is same, as cute as he was as a kid and as cute as when I left him at the airport. I shouldn’t have left him that time. It’s now 1.5 Months he left us, but I could not find a single way how to live a happy life without him. I desperately need him these days. He was the angel of my small family, he was the mode of happiness always, he was the reason of celebration, he was my helping hand, he was my punching bag, etc. etc. Things are absolutely same here as you left; it’s just you who is missing here. I know you can’t come back, now it’s too late but at least keep showing your presence somewhere, I think god can at least grant you this much. Missing you my brother so much !! Take care of your self !!

The Last moments....

The last family pic we had... clicked when Anup was about to fly for US (at IGI Airport). Not knowing that this wud be the last gud bye to him... not even the last thing we cud think of. Still remember he was so nervous on the day he had to go.. 29th Jan 2010.. Probably somewhere in his heart he didn't wanted to.. He was so partuclar about the luggage weight that he wud have interchanged things in it for some 15-20 times ... kabhie ek suitcase ka weight exceed kar jaata kabhie doosre ka... n we were like.... " just wake us up when u will be done with this weighing game"... I had never seen him so anxious before..
I remember him when he bade us that last gud bye... from the staff entry gate of the departure terminal... He came back especially after checking in his luggage to give his last glimpse to us...
n he sent his last sms to all of us... mummy, papa, lalit n me.... "i am about to fly..thank u for such a support..bbyee flying.." sent at 5.13 a.m. when he boarded his flight...
...Anup u indeed flew away...but so far off.. why my dear?? y have u punished all ur near n dear ones in such a way??
This sinking feeling of u not being around us has started getting stronger day by day..
u thanked us for giving u all the support ... Will u my dear not render ur support when v need it the most??
I regret two things the most now... firstly that we missed 6 & half months of ur life with us.... secondly though u wanted to come to India for a while to c Saavi, ur niece, but we didn't let u..thinking u wud unnecessarily be troubling urself by travelling so far off..
Though this regret is of no use now... but if u can please excuse us for nething that has troubled u ever bcoz of ur family... especially me... as i used to scold u a lot.. for not keeping ur room tidy, not keeping ur clothes in place... n million other things.. I am sorry for all that as i miss that untidiness the most now....
Ur absence has shaken our souls but we all pray that may ur soul rest in peace forever..

Suri .. A good friend

Suri.. as I called him was not just my colleague or neighbor but he was a very very good friend of mine. During my stay at US it was dead boring before he shifted to the next flat from ours. The day is still fresh in mind. We had shrimp cooking at hour place. And suri’s first line was tumhare yahan hamesha acha khana banta hai kya.. I was amazed at times to see how much he loved food and of course garam masala :) . Uske sath khate khate main bi moti ho gait thi.. Its funny.. but our love for daily soaps actually brought us closer. I would just barge in at his place calling out suri suri suri.. n he was like tu kabhi mat sudhariyo. He shared a lot of things about his life with me. He told me like a 100 stories. And I am glad that he did. :) He loved his family, his mother, father, bhaiya, bhabi and friends a lot. N he was always so happy to see his niece. N he missed them even more. He so wanted to go back rite from the day he came here. Not that he wasn’t enjoyin here. Suri jahan rahega masti to wahan hogi.. he always used to say ‘life is all about fun’ but he later changed his idea of life because he wanted to become responsible. Which he was. Especially for his love for BI090 which many of u guys won’t know about. He was sooo good natured. He took care of every one’s feeling. Aur mujhe bolta tha ‘sikh le tujhe zarurat padegi’. N I learnt too.. I can go on and on with my experiences with Suri. The 5 months I spent with him were awesome.. But I will leave it at this, wishing that his soul rests in peace. And also that he comes back to us soon …. Suri u are missed !!! :(

I miss you, I love you and that's THE END!!..

"Sometimes I hurt and wonder why
What did I do to deserve this life
Does God hate me or is this game
The game of living, its all the same"...

Bhai, I miss You,
I miss the whisper when you talked on phone
from your office,
I miss the warmth of knowing
You're just a call away,
I miss the way we fought and
played,
I miss seeing your big bright
smile,
I miss when you talk on phone and
walking here n there,
I miss when you helping at home in
cooking,
I miss making you wear your
seat belt,
I miss when we were in temple and
prayed,
I miss your smelling socks
when you take off your shoes,
I miss you with all my might,
I miss the way we would always against lalit bhai
while playing cards,
I miss you my Brother,
I miss you my Heart,
I miss you, I love you that's
THE END!!!

A Birthday wish from Anup to His loving brother Lalit

Lalit....
Jotted this for u as "thoughts from Anup" .... straight from his heart .... to wish you Happy Birthday....
I know u will miss him the most today .... but so do we .... we all are helpless to fill the void he has created.
If u can just Smile for a while so as to make his soul rest in peace n happiness...

Anup’s last birthday in India (14th March 2009).

The above video was taken on Anup’s last birthday in India (14^th March 2009).

It started at 12:00 Midnight with a small photo shoot and than Gayitri Mantra followed by Cake cutting ceremony and than 1 candle has to be kept in our small temple. It became a tradition in our small family to celebrate Birthdays and Anniversaries like this. He was the one who started this and made everyone happy with such small celebrations. Till date we all had been celebrating our birthdays like this but not today.

It’s my birthday bhai, I am sure you can not forget to bring the candles and that silly cake every time. Today I am waiting for you and my cake.

Every year we celebrated your birthday and sing the happy birthday song which says ‘May gods bless you’ which we did in your 2009 birthday when you were here with us. We just missed your one birthday in March 2010 and for that god have given such a punishment to us…. I always loved all these small things you started to put everyone together happy always. Today I understood why you started this tradition, it was because to bring happiness amongst us, it was because to make our bonding even stronger. You always believed in celebrating every small happiness; every small occasion as that’s the way you lived your life…

Today I am really missing you a lot!! I don’t know how much I will miss you more today, the whole day. Life without you is looking very dull. Waiting for your wishes!!

Teri Yaad Main Do Aansu Chupke Se Beh Gaye !

How can I forget my childhood days spent with Anup.Childhood memories are some of our most precious memories we possess.I have very fond memories of my brothers and sisters playing,eating in the same plate,climbing trees to pluck guavas and enjoying life to the fullest.
Now those memories come back to haunt me.They haunt me like a curse.
Life gives us brief moments with one another...but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last for a life time.
I want people to remember ANUP as a full on entertainer and a good person. Some cause happiness wherever they go and he was such a kind of person who spread his fragrance everywhere he went.He was a good person, sweet, kind, considerate.
This should have never happened to him. In this moment of grief, I pray to the Lord Almighty to provide enough strength and courage to all of us to bear this irreparable loss and ask Lord Almighty to grant his departed soul eternal rest.
Dil Kuch Tadap Utha, Zuban Bhi Ladkhadai ,
Teri Yaad Main Do Aansu Chupke Se Beh Gaye !

ANUP SURI...NATURE'S MASTER-PIECE

I want to write something about Anup but words are not enough to describe him.
He was nature’s masterpiece indeed he was a king because like a king he very well knew how to keep everybody happy.
Many people walk in and out of our life,but only some leave their footprints and he was such a kind of person who has left a mark in everybody’s life with whom he was associated.
The gap which he has left can never be filled…………
I still remember those days when Vishal was in U.S and Anup came to me with the webcam and fixed it on my deskstop and told me “Bhabhi ab aap bhaiya se live chat karna”
Aisa tha Anup ……….He was such a sweertheart………My ears still don’t believe that he is no more with us.Physically he may not be present but he will always be alive in my thoughts…
Anup was a person who provided Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, laughter when one felt sad, friendships to brighten the day,faith so that you can believe, confidence when one was in doubt, courage to coward, patience to accept the truth and Love to every one to complete everybody’s life.
In the book of LIFE every page has two sides, one side on which we human beings fill with our plans, hopes and wishes, but almighty writes SOMETHING ELSE on the other side which we had never expected.
It is a terrible, terrible loss to us and I pray to God that he gives all of us the strength to bear this sad loss. May his soul rest in eternal peace.

तुम उदास मत होना

Here are some of my thoughts very well edited by Mrs Nirmala Kapila jee (my aunt)-----

सभी गम भुलाने के लिये नही होते
कुछ बन जाते हैं
ज़िन्दगी का अटूट हिस्सा
हम खुद उनसे
अलग होना नही चाहते
हाँ जीने के लिये
दिल की परतों मे
सहेज लेते हैं कुछ यादें
और डूब जाते हैं
तब हम ,हम नही होते
हम और वो दोनो होते हैं
जीना है उसके बिना अगर
इसके सिवा नही कोई राह
देख लेना हम जी कर दिखा देंगे
उभर जायेंगे और मौत के मुँह पर
तमाचा लगायेंगे
हमारी बेबसी पर
तुम उदास मत होना
कभी यादों मे झाँक लिया करना
वक्त की नाव को इन्तज़ार रहेगा
कभी खुशी का एक पल
झाँकेगा हमारी ज़िन्दगी मे
तो समझ लेंगे हमने
पूरी ज़िन्दगी जी ली
तुम उदास मत होना
उस घडी भी तुम
हमारे दिल मे ही रहोगे

कविता

वक्त का मरहम 

सावन की तरह
आयी घनघोर घटायें
सदमों की बरसात लिये
तकलीफ?
बहुत तकलीफ हुयी
इस बाढ मे बह गये
दिल मे करीने से संजोये
कुछ सपनों के चिथडे
रखे थी संभाल कर
इस आस मे कि शायद
लगा सकूँ उन पर कुछ पैबन्द
फिर से जी उठी थी
भूल गयी थी कि सावन
तो फिर आयेगा
मगर इस बाढ मे
वो चिथडे भी बह गये
रह गयी बस यादें
ज्येष्ठ आषाढ की धूप मे
सिकुडी मिट्टी की परत जैसी
हाँ तकलीफ हो रही है

हर बार होती है

हर बाढ पर होती है
बहुत तकलीफ
शायद वकत का मरहम
जानता ही इसका ईलाज।

Life isn't fair.

I say that often, and this is what has happened. We take life so much for granted that we forget how fragile we and our relations are. Some events in life force us to think whether I am doing what I should actually be doing?

I have met Anup very few times, but I know Lalit very well, and to me he is less of a Jija ji and much more of an elder brother (though I say TU and he say AAP to me, which I always object). It always amazed me to feel that the understanding, true unconditional love, concern, pride that Anup and Lalit share, is just what me and my bro share who is two years elder to me. It’s hard for me to accept and react on what has happened. We ask god, why me, why us, but we get no answer. I think its up to us, how to face the voids. It brings me solace that I am writing for Anup's Blog, which Lalit, his bro, has made.

Love u Lalit, Love u Nanni

ek gazal aur kuch savaal

एक गज़ल और कुछ सवाल

बेशक संसार एक माया है
मगर यहाँ का हर पल एक सच है
हम हंस रहे हैं ये सच है
इस पर कोई सवाल नही
खुश हैं तो हंस रहे हैण
रो रहे हैं तो भी सच है
कोई सवाल नही दुखी हैं तो रो रहे हैं
लेकिन हर पल क्षणिक होता है
दूसरे पल हंसने वाला रो रहा होता है
य भी उसी का सच है लेकिन
उस सच पर पता नही ह क्यों
सवाल खडे कर देते हैं
जो एक शाश्वत सच है !
मौत एक शाश्वत सच है
मगर इसे स्वीकारने मे हम
कितने प्रश्न खडे कर देते हैं
इन्सान के स्वार्थ या अहं पर
जब चोट लगती है
तभी उसका मन सवाल पूछता है
हम सब को भी
तुम्हारी मौत को स्वीकारने मे
वक्त लगेगा, मगर स्वीकार लेंगे
मेरे भी कई सवाल वक्त के
अंधेरे मे खोते जा रहे हैं
तुम से जितनी शिकायतें थी
धूमिल होती जा रही हैं
और उनकी जगह जो दुख उपजता है
उसमे तुम्हारे लिये दया करुणा होती है
क्यों कि हम फिर उसी तरह
उसी तरह तो नही मगर किसी तरह
ज़िन्दगी की गाडी मे सवार हो विचरने लगे हैं
मगर तुम? इस दुनिया से दूर हो गये
पता नही क्या खाते होगे कैसे सोते होंगे।
कोई तुम्हएं वहाँ माँ जैसे
प्यार भी करता होगा या नहीं
अभी पूरी तरह तुम्हारी मौत को
स्वीकारा नही इस लिये
सवालों की गति चाहे धूमिल पड गयी है
मगर सवाल अभी भी पीछा नही छोडते
शायद जान बूझ कर
इनसे पीछा छुडवाना नही चाहते
इस पर एक शेर कहूँ?
तुम बहुत खुश होते थे न मेरे शेर सुन क्र
तो सुनो--- अभी एक शेर कहने लगी तो कई बन गये
सभी सुनो तुम्हारे लिये हैं । इस पर जो असली गज़ल लिखी थी
उसे बाद मे सुनाऊँगी

करूँ अब क्या मुझे ये ज़िन्दगी अच्छी नही लगती
मुझे इन आँसुओ से दुश्मनी अच्छी नही लगती

नहीं वश मौत पर चाहे किसी का भी मगर सच है
किसी माँ को यूँ अर्थी निकलती अच्छी नही लगती

गया है चाँद पर जब से अकेली छोड कर उसको
ये चंदा और उसकी चाँदनी अच्छी नही लगती

जगेंगे रात भर अपने गमों के साये मे जी भर
बुझा दो दीप सारे रोशनी अच्छी नही लगती

गमों की शाम मे भाई हि कन्धा दे अगर उसको
नहीं हो साथ भाई का खुशी अच्छी नही लगती

Life with him was so beautiful !!

We look so alike !!

Those were the most wonderful days of my life when he was with me, today if I think what was so special with him; it was his mere presence which is so beautiful. I have nothing left of him, but all his memories which is making me feel so much alone...

He was the most adventurous person I have met in my life. The way he saw the world is so pure and full of optimism. From last 20 days I have spent so much time thinking about him, that now I am feeling so many voids in my life.

The above snap was taken on 21st June 2009 at Jim Corbett Park, when I left my previous organisation and I got 3 days to join my next organization. He was the one who was happier for me. He was the one ready for the trip, which some of us already know how desperate he was always for an outing. He was the one who made my transition so joyful. I beg to god and anyone in this universe, to give me a chance so as I can relive all those moments we spent together. I need some more time with him. Everyone is saying it's not possible, but I just want to relive those moments. I can even negotiate him in my dreams, which I have been trying so hard from last so many days… May god give me one more chance.

कुछ सवाल---2

कुछ सवाल ---- 2

जब से तुम गये हो

हमे लगता है जैसे
आकाश की जगमगाहट
तारों का टिमटिमाना
चाँद का मुस्कुराना
बढ गया है--- शायद
शायद तुम्हारे आसमान मे जाने
का जश्न मना रहे हैं
तभी मन मे
एक और सवाल उठता है
मेरा विश्वास
मेरी आस्था
उस भगवान के प्रति
आहत हो उठती है
सभी धर्म और सन्त लोग कहते हैं
वो दुख हर्ता है पाप हरता है
दयालू है , करुणा निधान है
और भी न जाने कितनी उपमायें देते हैं
अगर वो सच मे करुणा निधान है
तो  एक माँ से उसके बेटे को छीन कर
कौन सी करुणा दिखा रहा है
फिर कुछ जवाब मिलते हैं
:ये पिछले जन्म के करम हैं
और रिश्तों की न सही
मगर क्या वो दयावान, पाप हरता
एक माँ के पिछले जन्म के
पाप नही हर सकता?
धर्म  तो ये भी कहते हैं
कि माँ का दर्जा भगवान से भी बडा होता है।
शायद भगवान की कोई माँ नही होती
उसे दया ममता से कुछ लेना देना नही
या वो केवल अपनी शक्ति दिखाने के लिये
ऐसे खेल खेलता है
आज तुम्हारे जाने से
इन सभी  आस्थाओं पर
एक प्रश्न चिन्ह लग गया है।
और ये सवाल  पर सवाल
तुम्हारी माँ तुम्हारे भाई से
बहुत से सवाल करती है
और वो सब तुम्हारे जवाब की
प्रतीक्षा मे हैं मगर
मुझे पता है--- ये सवाल सदियों
से कई माँयें ,भाई बहन पत्नियाँ करती रही हैं
मैने भी अपने बेटे की मौत पर किये थे।
जब उन्हें जवाब नही मिले
तो फिर इन्हें कैसे मिलेंगे
इनका हल भी हमे खुद ढूँढना पडेगा
जैसे मैने ढूँढ लिया था
ये वक्त का मरहम
बडे बडे घाव भी भर देता है
मगर ये सवाल वक्त बेवक्त
 जीवन भर हमारा पीछा नही छोडते
तुम्हारे जाने से मौत ही नही
ज़िन्दगी भी एक सवाल बन गयी है
लेकिन हम सब मिल कर
इन सवालों का हल ढूँढ लेंगे
इनके साथ जीयेंगे
मगर तुम खुश रहना
बहुत याद आया करोगे
आ कर रुलाया करोगे
मगर फिर भी
तुम्हारी तरह मुस्कुराना हैं हंसना हंसाना है
तुम्हारी तरह जीना है
क्यों कि तुम बहुत अच्छे थे
अपने थे, दिल के करीब
ये मत समझना मेरे सवाल खत्म हो गये हैं
कल फिर आऊँगी कुछ और सवाल ले कर।
तब तक तुम इन चाँद तारों के शहर मे जश्न मनाओ

A mother's petition to thee

I believed you are the creator of this majestic world;

I believed you do justice and have a gracious heart;

I believed I am your best -loved child.

But today I have to ask you something:

If you wanted me to renounce the most precious gift of my life,

you could have summoned me atleast once.

You could have given me a chance to :

let me snuggle my child (anup) --only once,

let me prepare his favourite food--- only once,

let me see him licking his fingers ---only once,

let me shower all my love on him ---only once,

let me see him smiling ---only once,

let me buy him his few favourite things---only once,

let me have a stroll with him---- only once,

let me bid him a final bye----only once!

Tell me : why couldn't you let me do all these simple things and I could have lived with these memories and endured your decision .

Do you think this is justice;

do you think I can handle it!

If yes: give me a fair explanation--- Only once;

You have to confront me----ONLY ONCE !

I will accept your verdict; your power and your regulations ,

but a mother deserves to know --- why! why! why

कुछ सवाल्

कुछ सवाल 

सच मानो-- तुम्हारे जाने से दुखी नही हूँ
दुखी हूँ उस आसमान को देख कर
 जो इस रात के अन्धेरे मे
हम सब को0 आँसू दे कर खुद
जगमगा रहा है
चाँद इतरा रहा है
तारे जैसे मस्ती मे झूम रहे हैं
तुम्हारे उन के पास लौट जाने का जश्न
मगर धरती पर सब ओर सन्नाटा
गहरी उदासी सबकी शब्द भी मूक से हैं
अनुभूतियाँ, अभिव्यक्तियाँ, संवेदनायें
त्रस्त हैं ,कौन किस से क्या कहे?
 कुछ भी नही छोडा तुम्ने कहने को
और मेरा मन कुछ सवालों की
सलीब पर लटक गया है?
सब से पहला सवाल तुम से है
क्या तुम नही जानते थे
कि इन्सान को रोने के लिये भी
एक कन्धा चाहिये होता है
और तुम ने कितनी आसानी से,
या कहूँ कि बेरहमी से
अपना कन्धा खींच लिया
शायद तुम भी आजकल के हिसाब से
प्रैक्टीकल हो गये थे-- यही तो दुख है
 जो दिल से अपने होते हैं
उनका दुख की घडी मे कन्धा खींच लेना
कितना दर्द देता है
दिल की किचरें सम्भाले नही सम्भलती
काश! तुम ये महसूस कर पाते
बाकी सवाल फिर कभी-----


कविता जारी है अगली कडी तक
ये सवाल जब तक हम ज़िन्दा रहेंगे उठेंगे
शायद इतना दर्द उस मसीहे को भी
सलीब पर लटक कर नही हुया होगा
तभी तो वो उपदेश दे कर चले गये
मगर हम तो एक दूसरे को
सान्तवना भी नही दे सकते
फिर भी उसे जी कर दिखाना ही होगा

एक सांस का फासला

एक साँस का फासला


ज़िन्दगी और मौत

केवल एक साँस का फासला

मगर जन्मों की दूरी

और तुम

कितनी आसानी से

अटक गये उस पर

नहीं बढाया कदम

दूसरी साँस की ओर

शायद तुम्हारा प्रतिशोध था

अपनी ज़िन्दगी से

शायद तुम सही थे

तुम इस फासले के

घोर सन्नाटे का

एहसास करवाना चाहते थे

और जीने वालों के लिये

छोड जाना चाहते थे

कुछ नमूने कि

तुम भी जी कर दिखाओ

मेरी तरह जी कर

देना चाहते थे एक टीस

जो मौत से भी असह है

देखना चाहती हूँ मै भी

इस सन्नाटे का एक एक पल

तुम कैसे जीये थे

उस आखिरी साँस को लेते हुये

हाँ बस इतना ही कर सकती हूँ

हा ! क्या तकदीर है?

कितनी बेबसी है

एक माँ के लिये जीना

बेटे की मौत के बाद

और उसके अँदाज़ मे जीना

हंसते मुस्कुराते जीना

काश! हम ये कर पायें

यही तो सिखाया है तुम ने

Fun always on his tips !!

http://theanupsuri.blogspot.com/

"Anup Suri" He was a person with a charm always on his face !! He loves to travel and arranging party with friends !! For me, he was the most fun loving person I come across....

We all had shared some good or bad experiences with Anup, I request you all to kindly introduce yourself and share some of your experiences with him !!